HERE WITH YOU
FOKUS BERANI IKHLAS



Sunday, 30 September 2007

NO PAIN NO GAIN


THE break - am still on leave to be with my family during this post-operation period - is doing me good.
I have had a lot of time for reflection and meditation (those two words bring about memories of my seminary days).
Life is such that everything is customised for each and every one of us.
The old saying, no pain no gain, is true to one and all, but what actually is our pain and gain is subjective and exclusive.
Anybody can either hate or enjoy smelling and eating durian and its variation (seen here the 'normal' durian and what the Kadazandusun call sukang). But how we open up the fruit is up to you and me.
I saw these fruits on a table at my brother Vitalis home in Kampung Kionsom a few weeks ago. Before long, after I arranged and captured it on my mobile phone, every edible part of it was in my tummy. It felt so good!
Good. What is good?
I want to do good. I want only good things for every body.
But not every body have a penchant for durian. Good. What is good? Happiness?

Saturday, 29 September 2007

PLACENTA PERCRETA?

FORGIVE me. Life goes on. I know my family and I have to move on. But I brought my wife and Allyshearha for a review today. They are doing very well.
Then I went to take the medical report. Initially, the doctors said my wife had placenta accreta. The report however said something about
placenta percreta - namely the worst of the placenta complications because it had affected the bladder thus the bleeding [am just a kampung (village) boy, so forgive the ignorance]. I reproduce below the medical report:

"Madam Nelly was admitted here on 08.09.2007 at 10.47am as an emergency case with complications of severe abdominal pain and sensation of fainting. She was at that time 34 weeks pregnant and had intra-abdominal bleeding secondary to a Placenta percreta.
She was critically ill with a blood pressure of 70/50mm. Hg. She was rushed in to the operation theater and an emergency operation was carried out to save the mother and the baby. She had about 20 pints of blood and blood products transfused during the two and a half hours operation.
The operation included a Cesarean section and Hysterectomy together with the stenting of the left ureter and repair of the urinary bladder.
She was managed in the Intensive Care Unit for about three days before she was transferred to the normal ward. She was hospitalised for 14 days before being discharged well on 23.09-2007.
The total cost of the hospitalisation including the professional fees of the consultants was ..... (will keep the figure to myself. But I can tell, it is a five-figure cost. Albert). "
Signed Dr S Balakrishnan Subramaniam - Medical Director of KPJ Kajang Specialist Hospital.

Thursday, 27 September 2007

QUE SERA SERA


Quo sera sera. What ever will be will be.
Am seriously thinking about the direction of this blog.
No. I do not want to discontinue it.
I want to make it better.
I know fully well the underlying philosophy of all my postings.
You may not see it. But I blog for A (as in ONE) reason.
That reason may still be valid.
Just that I need to review the approach.
I plan. Que sera sera.
(p.s. no, I did not take that picture. It is one of those in my laptop. credit where its due.)

Tuesday, 25 September 2007

STARTING POINT


THE journey of a thousand miles begins with the first step.
The journey of a future for the people begins within a family.
Allyshearha expanded the Bingkasan family on Sept 8, 2007.
Quo vadis? Que sera sera.
Albert came into the world Sept 8, 1964.
I know where I have been. I know what I have done.
Been there, done that. Tomorrow?
I have a dream. I have a mission. I have a vision.
Still, que sera sera.
Grow big, little feet. I may not be here for long. Fill my shoes….
Take to heart, Mother Mary is with us.
Sept 8th – her birthday too!

Sunday, 23 September 2007

CHRONOLOGY OF MIRACLES II


    • THAT DAY – 8 Sept 2007 – At about 8am, I was still in bed, embracing my Shandhro Eebot when my wife complaint of stomach pain. I thought she was having gastric. But the pain became worst as the minutes ticked by.

      - I called Dr Bala and was told to bring my wife to the hospital immediately. So I helped my wife to climb down from our room at the third floor to our car before driving slowly to the hospital which was about 20kilometres away. She was really in pain, screaming all the way to the hospital. We reached the hospital at about 10.05am.

      - The nurses immediately brought her to the operation theatre.

      - After an initial scan, Dr Bala said, “It doesn’t look good. I could not see the baby’s heartbeat.”


      - Dr Bala went into the theatre, leaving me alone in that empty waiting room.

      - At about 11.05am, a nurse came out ushering a baby cot with a baby on it. As she was about to enter the elevator, a paper dropped without her noticing it. I informed her about it before I helped pick up the paper. To my surprise, my wife name was on it. My first thought was: “Oh my, so tiny.” At least she is alright. One less to worry. I was later told that Shearha was delivered at 10.58am with a weight of only 2.33kg.

    - Then it was all quiet. I was praying. I was hoping. I remember thinking about my 11-year-old family, my late mother who passed away 26 Feb 2003, my father in Kg Kionsom and don’t know what else. I sat down, I walked around, I lean on the wall… waiting. May be my tears did want to come out. But I didn’t remember crying. Hope for the best, expect the worst, I told myself. Pray.

    - It was noon. Yet there was nothing. Then a man ran out and headed straight to the staircase. After a while, he came back with a cooler box. Later, I was told, he went to take several pints of blood for my wife. All in, a staggering 18pints of blood were transfused into my frail looking wife. A normal person has only 10pints of blood in his/her body.

    - May be Dr Bala would come out soon, I thought. 12.30 and there was still nothing. May be after two hours, I told myself. Nothing.

    - A staff of the hospital, Bel took the trouble to come up and console me. My family knew her because she was a senior staff when Dr Bala was operating his own clinic also in Kajang where Shandhro was born two years ago.

    - The clock on my handphone showed 1.30, then 2.00pm. Still nothing.

    - At about 2.30pm, Dr Bala came out and said, the operation proper was completed after two and a half hours but that they still have to do the stitching and what not.



    - “A lot of blood loss. We have given her around 11pints. We have done our best. We pray for the best. I also pray for her safety,” said Dr Bala before going in again into the theatre. They ushered her out only at about 3.30pm to the ICU next door.

    - Dr Bala said my wife was unconscious but stable. She was on a ventilator at the ICU for two days.

    - “It was a major surgery. It was good that she arrived here early. When I opened her up, there was blood all over. She was already bleeding profusely and that was why I could not see the baby heartbeat,” said Dr Bala, adding, “all we could do now is pray.”

  • CONSCIOUS – 9 Sept 2007 – My wife barely regained consciousness that morning. By afternoon, she could barely communicate with me by writing on a piece of paper. She was still on ventilator. Later that night, she gladly told a nurse that our baby shared the same birth date with me. “Today is my husband birthday,” she said. She thought she was asleep for only an hour or so. I almost could not fight my tears.

  • OUT OF THE WOODS – 10 Sept 2007 – I asked Dr Bala, is the worst over? He said, rather reluctantly but firm: “No.”

  • AGONY – From then until 19 Sept 2007 – My wife was out of ICU after being surrounded with all kinds of electrical and computerized equipment as well as tubes of all sizes on 10 Sept 2007. What followed was pure agony – for my wife and my family. But I will keep this agony close to my heart. Suffice to reiterate what Dr Bala told my wife: “Nelly, you had gone up and return.” She had died. And came back to life.

  • HAPPY BIRTHDAY - 17 Sept 2007 - Shasha turned 11 today. A real darling, like her siblings, she told me not to celebrate her birthday until mum and baby are home. Happy birthday, my gemuk (fat) baby...

  • MIRACLES – From the beginning of time – It is not easy to fathom what my wife and baby and my family had gone through the last couple of weeks. But this I know. God is great. My beloved wife is alive. And so is my baby. Miracles do happen. My hope is for each and every one of us to appreciate life and the fact that miracles exist every seconds of our life.

  • BACK HOME – 22 Sept 2007 – After 14 days at the hospital, my wife and baby were discharged. For the first time, I spent the night with a ‘new’ family – my ‘new-blooded’ wife, a new baby and Shasha, Shandhra and Shandhro Eebot. I hardly slept. In fact I was awake until 3.30am today (23 Sept 2007)

  • PRAISE GOD – Allyshearha, Alexshandhro Eebot, Allyshandhra, Allysha, Nelly and Albert Bingkasan praised God the Father, Son and Holy Spirit. And Mother Mary. Thank you, one and all. It’s a wonderful life.

  • IT all begins in a family. Welcome to the Bingkasan family, Allyshearha.


Saturday, 22 September 2007

BACK HOME

Miracles II will have to wait. Because, after 14 days at the KPJ Kajang Specialist Hospital, Kajang, Selangor, my beloved wife Nelly and baby Allyshearha were discharged at about 4pm today. We are now at Hse No 1, P8E/5, Putrajaya.
Am still worried that the new environment will somewhat affect my baby.
But, on thing is certain. Her sisters Shasha, Shandhra and brother Shandhro Eebot are so very excited.
Life will never be the same. I can tell you, it is better. In fact, I feel more complete (whatever it means!)
Dearest one and all, thank you for all your prayers, support and love.

Friday, 21 September 2007

CHRONOLOGY OF MIRACLES I

· FOURTH CHILD – Early March 2007 – We come to know for the first time that my beloved wife Nelly is pregnant.

· PLACENTA CRISIS – Sometime in May 2007 – Doctor Balakrishnan Subramaniam detected my wife placenta is low.

· HARVEST FESTIVAL – End of May 2007 – I brought my family to ‘balik kampung’ (back to my home state) for the harvest festival break. Not a word was mentioned about the placenta crisis simply because we did not know too much about it yet.

· PLACENTA ACRRETA – Early June 2007 – Dr Bala said it could be

placenta accreta (According to the Wikipedia - The placenta usually detaches from the uterine wall relatively easily, but women that encounter placenta accreta during childbirth are at great risk of haemorrhage during its removal. This commonly requires surgery to stem the bleeding and fully remove the placenta, and in severe forms can often lead to a hysterectomy or be fatal. It happens to one in 2,500 pregnancies. Dr Bala referred us to a specialist doctor for a second opinion.

· WORST EVER – Early July 2007 – Specialist Dr Raman confirmed that my wife had placenta accreta. “I have never seen such a case. It is the worst that I ever seen. It is going to be a major surgery,” he said matter-of-factly. A few days earlier, while sending my daughter to school at about 6.45am, I hit the road divider after employing emergency brake because a bus in front of me suddenly stop to avoid running onto a motorcyclist who suddenly fell while negotiating a bend. Thus my posting 20072007.

· PRAY FOR US – Early July 2007, I sms a request for my family, relatives and friends to remember us in the prayers because ‘it could threaten her life and the baby.’

· SPECIAL PERMISSION – From then onwards – My boss, Tan Sri Bernard Dompok, Minister in the Prime Minister’s Department gave me verbal permission to be the last one to go back to Sabah for the routine week-end trip of duty and the first person to go back to Putrajaya.

· IN PRAYER – From then onwards – My family prays to God, that His will be done. And that we be given courage to face the crisis. (My two daughters pray daily). Also I surf the internet to get more information about placenta accreta.

· TABOO WORD – From then onwards – The word ‘death’ or ‘die’ and the likes haunted me (and am sure my beloved wife too).

· HAPPY BIRTHDAY – July 6, 2007 – My beloved wife 36th birthday. It was a mixed atmosphere of joy and sorrow.

· HER NAME – From then onwards – My wife and daughters Allysha and Allyshandhra (we call them Shasha and Shandhra) started looking for a name for the baby. I put forward my suggestion ALLYSHEARHA and it was unanimously agreed. Or rather I make them agree. It caught on. Even two-year-old Alexshandhro Eebot now knows his baby sister is Shearha.

· WHICH HOSPITAL – From then onwards – My wife, myself and Dr Bala discussed several times about the placenta accreta and the possibility of my wife getting treatment from government hospital (after all, am entitled to a first class facilities) and thus almost free of charge. The decision: we stick with Dr Bala.

· CALM BEFORE THE STORM – August 2007 – My wife had her regular check up. Quietly, I believe, she and I were thinking a lot about the October date. We also received a surprise visit by two Franciscan Sisters of the Immaculate Conception (FSIC), namely Sr Anita and Sr Evelyn who are attached to the St Anthony Church, Pudu.

. ALMOST DEAD - 28 August 2007 - ALBERT BINGKASAN died in a car accident.... that was a real possibility at about 4.30pm Tuesday, 28 August 2007.

· BUDGET 2008 – 7 Sept 2007 – Prime Minister Datuk Seri Abdullah Ahmad Badawi announced the Budget 2007 in Parliament. A day before, I informed Tan Sri Dompok that I will not be able to fly with them to Kota Kinabalu immediately after the budget speech because there was no seat available. I said, I did get a reservation for a 4am flight on Saturday, Sept 8. For reasons known only to himself, Tan Sri Dompok said, “You need not go back.”

· THAT DAY – 8 Sept 2007 – So, I did not go back to Kota Kinabalu in the wee morning. My wife, our children and I were very happy because we could then have a simple celebration of my 43rd birthday. My wife wished me Happy Birthday at around 1am. We all slept late because it would be Saturday and my birthday. I prayed for blessing and thank God. And Mother Mary because the Catholic Church had traditionally celebrate Mother Mary’s birthday on Sept 8. At about 8.30am, the unthinkable happened…
TO BE CONTINUED.....

Thursday, 20 September 2007

IF

IF we are to die today
what will we do
what will we regret most
how we wish we have done this and that
why our time is up
yesterday we felt we could live for a 1000 years
today a different ball game
If we are to die today
If we are to die today

Monday, 17 September 2007

MIRACLE

DOCTORS said, she is due only on October 17, 2007.
But because Cesarean section will be used, she can be delivered Oct 2 or Oct 3.
On September 8, my wife felt unbearable pain.
The doctor said, it does not look good.
But here she is a week after, surrounded by her elated sisters and brother.
Welcome to the Bingkasan world, ALLYSHEARHA.
You are a gift. You are a miracle.
(I promise, I will blog what actually happened.)
To my lovely wife Nelly, thank you
(I promise, I will also blog what actually happened to her).
Miracle does happen everyday.
Praise God the Father, Jesus Christ the Son and the Holy Spirit.

MALAYSIA DAY

Its 12midnight of 16 September 2007.
Malaysia is 44years old.
That's a fact
That's history
Happy Malaysia Day
God bless us all

Friday, 14 September 2007

THANK YOU

GOD be praised!
Sept 8, 2007
This the scene I saw
The space where I was rooted
Alone
Five hours and agony
And tears and hope and don't know what
Please pray for us, I told friends
You and all did
Thank you
Thank you
Worst is over now
This the scene I see
The space where am still rooted
But now, as before and plus one
Thank you
ALLYSHEARHA is here
Thank you
NELLY feeding her
God bless us all

Monday, 10 September 2007

NEW BEGINNING

(LINK UPDATED)
Dearest friends,
thank you for visiting this blog.
Life has been rather upside-down since early morning of Sept 8.
Will update Kionsom-insight soonest.
For now, I humbly seek your support...
Kindly remember my family in your prayers
Life is so very fragile.
It is a new beginning
God bless us all

Friday, 7 September 2007

PARLIAMENT

I WAS in Parliament earlier today to hear firsthand the Prime Minister Datuk Seri Abdullah Ahmad Badawi tabling the Budget 2008. The previous posting is Tan Sri Dompok comment about it.
After emailing it to the press throughout the country and even overseas, I waited for about one hour before I could get a positive response from a taxi hotline (despite calling for five times) for a lift from Parliament to the KL Sentral – a terminal for taxis, trains and other means of transportation. But by then, I had given up and called to cancel it.
If not for a good-hearted lady journalist from The Star (thank you Flo!), I would probably have to walk all the way to the highway and hitchhike.
But I did get the above picture of the Parliament building – an icon I have seen as long as I could remember – because it is a symbol etched on most of monetary coins.
Yet, the taxis simply refuse to come… may be due to the Kuala Lumpur traffic jam. Or maybe they have no respect for Parliament.
Anybody for Parliament.....?

RM800 MILLION

YB Tan Sri Bernard Dompok - Minister in the Prime Minister's Department/Upko President comments on the Budget 2008 - tabled by Prime Minister Datuk Seri Abdullah Ahmad Badawi on 7 Sept 2007

"THE Budget focuses on the implementation of the five thrusts of the National Mission which underlines the Ninth Malaysia Plan. I congratulate the Ministry of Finance for the consistency in its approach to financial planning and management.
The new incentives and initiatives on tax, stamp duty, insurance etc will provide further boost to a vibrant private sector - the engine for growth of the economy.
The agriculture sector and biotechnology receive recognition for its importance in the country's quest for increased productivity in agriculture. This augurs well for the efforts of farmers who have taken the Prime Minister's call for them to utilise knowledge in ensuring that farmers are not necessarily doomed to a life of subsistence farming.
The waiver on fees payable in schools and provisions of incentives for the teaching profession, of scholarships for students will assist in the effort by the Barisan Nasional government to maximise human capital development.
The Budget has addressed the plight of those who are not in ownership of their own homes yet or who require rented accommodation. This is indeed an important move towards a home-owning democracy.
The Prime Minister's concern for infrastructure development for Sabah and Sarawak is certainly a welcome boost to the two States. This will assist towards addressing regional imbalance in the country's development.
I and on behalf of UPKO, wish also to thank the Prime Minister and the Ministry of Finance for allocating RM800 million to ensure a better tomorrow for bumiputera in Sabah and Sarawak. This is what we in UPKO had been pointing out and striving for all these years.
The Budget has therefore taken into account the need to recognise the role of the private sector in the economy and the practical realities faced by the people and underdeveloped regions in the country."
Issued by Albert Bingkasan - Press Secretary to Tan Sri Bernard Dompok - 019-2277688, 019-8319995, 016-8330251

Tuesday, 4 September 2007

LONGING FOR TIMADANG

Timadang. Its a local fruit, growing in the wild in Sabah.
I always enjoy eating them.
The other day, I reached home (that's Kionsom) at about 12.30am
and I started eating
I actually finished two timadangs
in the wee morning
when my father was asleep
my family in Putrajaya
and the world around me stood still
I ate two timadangs
and proud of it

WALK ON STILTS

Ahhh... my people.
Known for strength, famous for hard working
Generous with smile, friendly beyond the usual
Sons and daughters of the soil
Natives of Sabah
Citizens of Malaysia
Ahhh ... my people.
Where art thou?
Walk we can
Running our specialty
Alas, nowhere be seen
We need to walk on stilts
Who provide?
Ahhh ... my people
Do not give up
See you at the top